The only possible subject

Fabricio and Angélica had been together for some years. They had several apartments in Caracas, but they decided to live together in a beautiful penthouse in the east of the city. There they had all the necessary amenities including the respective parking spaces that their various cars deserved.

In the same way, the internal space and the green areas were ideal for the recreation of their two English cocker spaniels, who spent a good part of the day alone, since Fabricio and Angélica had excellent jobs in recognized private companies in the country, with positions of great responsibility and good pay.

The truth is that both of them had done everything necessary to reach their 30-something years in good condition. In this way, they would be ready for their big dream: to be parents. Then, with everything in its right place, the search began.

However, after months of trying, the "positive" did not finish coming. Still, I don't know they were scared. Finally, Angelica had been taking birth control pills for many years so that should be normal. Anyway, she decided to go to her gynecologist to check that everything was in order.

At first glance, everything was fine. However, the specialist performed a transvaginal ultrasound, between the third and fifth day of the menstrual cycle, to make a count of the follicles of each ovary, as well as a blood test, to know the values ​​of various hormones.

The results will only certify what has been said so much: At the age of 35, the so-called "ovarian reserve" is lower and having a baby can be a little more difficult, but not impossible. So it only remained to keep trying.

More and more months passed and the news did not come. So Fabricio decided that it was his time to visit an expert. In his case, sperm was plentiful, but they weren't moving fast enough.

The addition began to become subtraction. Two people had come together who had everything apparently necessary to be parents, but their bodies were not collaborating with the common goal. Although, neither of them was willing to give up.

Together, they decided to undergo an assisted reproduction process that had a 50% chance of success. So 50-50 that the specialists recommended trying it 3 or 4 times. But each attempt -which lasted about 30 days- contemplated 5 stages that required a lot of patience and dedication. And, if that wasn't enough, it cost between $ 3.500 and $ 5.000.

In Venezuela, there are 27 centers specialized in these treatments, but not a single public / free plan for couples experiencing these difficulties. In some European nations, there is at least one Social Security list (however long it may be).

Still, our partner was encouraged to try. If they fail, if they had the financial resources, they would have to wait between 3 and 4 months to try again. In addition to stress, abdominal swelling, nonspecific ovarian discomfort, fatigue, or constant headaches, Fabricio's concern was added.

In addition, both decided to travel this road almost alone, like most couples who undergo these processes and do not want to be victims of reckless comments from their environment. You don't want them to know that you are struggling to have a child. You feel bad if people ask you when you are going to be a mother, ”recalls Angelica. 

In silence, together, they put all of themselves. But the first attempt failed. They tried again ... and nothing. They began to cope more and more closely with anguish, despair, stress. There was no room for spontaneity and joy. By now, motherhood had become the only possible subject, an almost obsessive idea. 

This was sapping their hopes and depleting their savings, but, you know, "the third time is the charm." Or at least that was supposed to. After two years, the expectations disappeared. The fights came: "you are the one with the problem", "I am the one who has suffered the most", "I spent all my money", "you don't understand anything".

They forgot that not being able to conceive is a joint problem, regardless of whether the causes are due to a male or female factor.

Angelica cried when she saw a pregnant woman. Fabricio was filled with hatred when he read some news about "abandoned babies" or even "debates to legalize abortion", he did not understand how some couples without economic possibilities or family planning had 10 children and they had carefully prepared to be "the best fathers of the world »could not do it. "Because I? Why me? ”He whispered every day.

They talked little and always about the same thing. Intimacy suddenly even stopped making sense. The passion was gone. The problem that "was going to unite them and make them stronger" began to separate them in a slow but irreversible way. 

One morning, Angelica decided that she didn't want to know any more about this. "That" included both the processes of fertilization and her marriage. Fabricio - and his immense feeling of guilt - had no choice but to "resign" ... although he still has not achieved it.

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