Love from afar is not always for assholes

From a very young age, Daniel possessed a rare mix of academy and street lounging, something that always made him feel out of place.

The guy in the middle of the poor looked like a sifrinos and next to the sifrinos he was nothing more than a vulgar pelabolas. It could easily be another member of the Panamanian band Los Rabanes: among cumbiamberos, they call them rockers, and among rockers, cumbiamberos. He, like almost everyone, assures that his way of being is "the fault" of his parents.

Daniel neither asked nor gave the blessing, he was never baptized despite growing up in a deeply Catholic country. In addition, he was not even remotely willing to marry in the church, something broke the heart of more than one suitor.

He met her in the middle of a health day, where both, from their respective areas, were working. Her gaze immediately captivated him. He put his eye on him and the bullet quickly arrived ... a projectile shaped like a wedding by the civilian and a 9 month old belly.

At that time, Daniel underwent a process of transformation that he considered "beneficial for him and his environment": he began to exercise and stopped smoking. Eliminating that vice was "a historic milestone," although he has never admitted it out loud. Sometimes, human beings forget the importance of celebrating our small victories and we even get carried away by the fear that others will minimize or ridicule them.

After the birth of his son, Daniel became a "yellow date" in taekwondo and "maha kuk sool", a Korean martial art that seeks to cultivate the mind, body and spirit. Thus, he got rid of about 20 kilos that were left over and he was moving away, more and more, from everything that was irresistible before: alcohol, rumbas, nicotine.

And although no one teaches us to be parents and we are never sufficiently prepared to take on that task, Daniel always tried to do his best. In fact, since Diego's arrival, his impatience and sullen character were put aside. Thanks to his son, he understood many things that he thought he knew, but had never felt in his own flesh.

“Everyone in our life has someone we feel deeply for. Fortunately, I have several people on that list. But what Diego awakens in me is something that goes beyond everything, ”he tells me.

The change, although gradual, was quite noticeable. "The man finally settled down," repeated friends and family. And that was, in large part, what happened. In general, these transformations fill the girlfriends or wives with happiness, who, for one reason or another, end up attributing part of the change. You know: "since I came into your life blah, blah, blah." But this time, the story was different.

On the love plane, problems broke out. The relationship was filled with disagreements and misunderstandings as a result of a profound lack of communication. Daniel believed he was building “a better version of himself”, cultivating an “ideal facet for family love”, but his wife did not see it that way. Between tensions and loneliness, everything collapsed.

Today his ex-partner decided to leave the country and Daniel suddenly went through what is perhaps the most screwed-up trance of his life: separating from his son. A divorce implies the collapse of common plans, each one is forced to restructure his life project and, sometimes, to deal with the feeling of failure. But separating from your children is a pain on another level.

At first, Daniel refused with all his might. Later, he tried to postpone the inevitable: "You go ahead, settle down first, then I'll send Diego to you myself or we'll block so you can come and get him." There was no case, his approach was never going to prosper. Then this father felt in himself that he had to give in for the sake of his son.

What is the best option in this dilemma? Does it make any sense to migrate to the same destination as your ex to have your child close? Is an all-out legal battle worth it? Is paternal absence just as complex as maternal absence? What is the emotional cost that the children of migration will end up paying sooner or later?

Daniel still does not have all the answers, but he knows that, by force of the facts, he must continue to build a better version of himself, not to please his partner, but to learn to live with his new reality, to overcome the challenge It involves distance and acquiring the tools that allow you to transmit your love with the same intensity.

The farewell - in the midst of the pandemic - was brutal and inhumane. "Sir, I swear to you that I understand the situation, but you must clear the area," the security officer at the Maiquetía International Airport told him. From afar, he saw his son enter a tunnel and felt the pressure on his chest. Suddenly, this father, who is not baptized or professes any religion, found himself asking God to bless his son and give them the necessary strength to sustain a love from afar, which will not be assholes.

Tell me your story, write it as it may, together we shape and share it. Spread the different forms of love, it is always necessary: [email protected]

 

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