Happily divorced

"That 20 years is nothing," Gardel would sing. But the truth is that a two-decade marriage is (almost) a lifetime.

However, for many of these years, Sara was the victim of psychological violence by her husband, until one morning she made the final decision: I am going to leave him.

The break occurred in uncomfortable installments. First, I stop tolerating their phrases and screams. Afterward, he moved into the next room. Finally, he asked for a divorce.

She knew that this step would represent a crucial dilemma that has consequences for years or their entire lives and that it would not only affect them, but could also affect the lives of their children, family and closest friends.

Still, Sara was convinced. Her husband, for his part, accepted the request, but wanted to impose the times to advance the process (or to delay it?). Then, our protagonist fought to carry the baton of legal separation.

Her children - who are coming of age - did not know how to react to the divorce, but they welcomed the idea of ​​moving with great enthusiasm, which was already a clear sign of their feelings. In them, even in the midst of confusion, a deep weariness reigned.

Sara and her husband lived rented so there were not many material goods to distribute either. On the contrary, to breathe new life, she and her children decided to move to the old city of Sara, where she still owns a house of her own.

This, in one way or another, creates a mixture of security and peace that he has not felt for many years. In fact, every time Sara looks back on her last decades, she wonders the same thing: why did she put up with so much? What led me to tolerate the intolerable?

In the divorce process, Sara discovered that her main fears were real: yes, life is full of great challenges, but facing them is possible. In fact, sometimes it is convenient to walk with our fears, to avoid falling asleep before them.

If someone asked her if it is easy to get a divorce, she would say no: "It is not easy to detach from a marriage, even if you don't even know why it exists." His phrase reminded me of an interview where Isabel Allende explained: "I was in the relationship for 20 years and then 8 more until I got divorced."

Like them, many women spend years thinking about separating or separating emotionally, but they have many doubts when making the final decision. Finally, crisis comes from the Greek verb krinein which means to separate, but also to decide.

Sara understood that, in her case, the difficulties came from the little self-esteem that one had: “How did I do? I decided. I think that's the key. It must be a personal decision. You can hear a thousand voices advising you, but you have the last word ”.

Following her decision, Sara encountered obstacles, fears, and uncertainty. But she got the biggest rewards: she feels proud of herself, she loves herself, she values ​​herself, she found herself with the version of herself she had abandoned many years ago.

She is still awaiting the sentence of the judge, but she already feels like a happily divorced woman, who finally dared to pack her clothes and her dreams (no matter that some fears slipped into the suitcase) to "finally" change her life.

Today she knows that it is not easy, but it is possible to get out of the circle of gender violence. For this reason, she wants to tell her story to other women, to tell them that they should never give the power to others to decide their destiny. Reiterate that divorce is not a failure. Failure is pretending that you are happy in a relationship where you don't want to be.

Sara has not yet thought about the possibility of giving another relationship a chance, as she is convinced that one cannot give what one does not have and therefore must continue her rebuilding process. However, her new motto speaks for her: "the best is always yet to come" or paraphrasing an old Italian proverb "non tutte le tragedie vengono per nuocere" (not all tragedies come to hurt).

Tell me your story, write it as it may, together we shape and share it. Spread the different forms of love, it is always necessary: [email protected]

 

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