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HomeThe latest love newsbe your own mother

be your own mother

I am over thirty years old and even so, I never learned to be my mother, even though I have been.

Last weekend I attended a workshop to prevent violence against the girls of today, the women of tomorrow. The night before, I stopped for five seconds to look at the ad. The activity was dictated by 'The school for mothers and fathers'. So, I felt misplaced. "If I'm not a mother, why am I going?" I thought.

However, sometimes I am like those people who buy a pot without having a kitchen. I never know if they want to frustrate me unnecessarily or a cheesy way to attract what I want. But, in this case, seconds after arriving at the 'AmarteSana' headquarters, my doubts were dispelled.

"We must learn to maternity and above all to maternity," said the facilitator. I immediately remembered the many times I complained about not having a mother who met my emotional needs and/or expectations, but this time it felt different.

One way or another, that phrase freed my parent and put the focus on myself. In me that, for years, in therapy, before my partner or close friends, but above all in my mind, in front of the mirror, I said over and over again: “what balls! I had to be my own mother when I was just a child."

I understand that, at an early age, it is not "the duty to be". But I'm over thirty years old and, even so, I never learned to be my mother, even though I have been. In fact, I became the mother of my partners, of my parents, of everyone around me, but I never healed my role as a daughter or knew how to mother myself.

Maternity is giving ourselves that care and self-love that we need so much and will always need. It is about cultivating a healthy mother every day, who takes care of herself and the important spaces of life, with the greatest possible awareness and love.

At this point, I have verified that most of our traumas are cooked up in childhood and a good part of them are directly linked to our family nucleus. "My low self-esteem was born because my mother told me a thousand times that I was too fat." But what did they tell your mother? What do you say to yourself now as an adult? What do you teach your daughter? What would you like to teach him?

If we are not understanding, loving, dedicated, with ourselves, how will we find someone who loves us? As cliché as it sounds, if I think every day that I am a spectacle, I am more likely to tolerate someone else telling me so.

In fact, his insults will 'match' with my feelings, his mistreatment would be giving the reason to the little voice in my head that belittles me day after day.

Therefore, we must protect ourselves with the maternal instinct. To mother herself, as in life itself, each one must find her way. There is no one way to maternity just as there is no one way to conceive.

Each woman can discover an authentic formula that heals her and allows her to transcend, that adapts to what she really needs. Doing so may be the key to at least stopping the chain of violence against women. A solution from us to us.

In particular, in the final minutes of the workshop, during the farewell meditation, I remembered when my literature teacher, almost 20 years ago, told me: "no one is going to come to solve your farts." For the adolescent Jessica, that phrase was devastating, it seemed like "you are alone in the world" or "don't trust anyone".

Today I understand that, in effect, we must take action, but I also know that most causes are collective, that when female accompaniment is genuine, it has indescribable power. 

Type: Nobody is going to come to solve your conflicts, but it turns out that, in some cases, your problem is also mine. Domestic violence, for example, is the worst of 641 million women around the world if we only count those who decide to speak up.

Tell me your story, write it however you like, together we shape it and share it. Disseminate the different forms of love, it is always necessary: ​​the latest news of love @

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