A decade of attachment

They met in June 1994. It was a typical Merida morning, when she approached him and to break the ice, she told him that she had dreamed of him the night before. After listening to her, he turned around and said: "You are divine and insolent."

Kitty was not yet 20 years old and was just beginning his university life, while he, a pretentious Trujillo, was about to graduate as a systems engineer.

Those were the days of the new bolero wave, the time when a new generation of musicians, led by Luis Miguel, took up the favorite genre of our parents to create more modern boleros. Together, they sang all their songs, while they walked with friends and ended up dancing salsa in the bars of Mérida.

Everything happened very quickly and suddenly, Kitty began to experience life as a couple for the first time, even if they did not live entirely together. This man taught him some tricks to give more magic to the food that they prepared day after day in the apartment where he rented. She still remembers some of the dishes she learned to prepare with him.

It didn't take long for her to admit to herself that she had fallen madly in love with this man. He with his details, his poetry and his way of looking at her seized her heart. Deep down, it turns out that the engineer wanted to be an actor, singer, dancer, writer and poet, like Rafael of Spain.

But he soon became an overwhelming character, someone who, it seemed, had come into his life to teach him tender and passionate things, but also very hard. At his request, she had an abortion, because "only then could they stay together."

However, the most difficult thing was not that, but to hear him say that "with her no man could go far, fulfill his dreams or be successful" and that was just the only thing he wanted. She felt like the stumbling block in the life of a young man who was finishing his studies and yearning to become part of the meritocracy that reigned PDVSA during those years.

Little by little, they were moving away. He went to Puerto Rico to work all over the place, doing anything for a couple of dollars. In this way, he saved and sent her enough money for her to go to meet him. But now it was she who did not want to abandon her own dreams. At this point, he just wanted to graduate, travel, meet people, and write.

He refused the trip and endured that hard blow with the conviction that it was thus avoiding even greater pain. He does not regret his decision. “The distance, the studies helped me and to start, later on, another relationship,” he tells me. Although he confesses that, over the years, despite having had many partners, he never fell in love again like that first time.

It was, as the bolero would say, "the story of a love like no other, which made him understand all the good, all the evil, which gave light to his life, turning it off later." His family, meanwhile, never found out about the abortion or had a say about that romance.

And despite the complexity of her story, Kitty never attended therapy. But delving into Hindu philosophy, he understood that he had to free himself from that attachment. Buddhism, as well as Hinduism, believe that holding on to people or things only leads us to unhappiness and chains our existence to suffering.

To practice love according to Buddha, it is not necessary to cling to anything. For love, although it unites and melts, it also motivates the flight, to be free, without fear or anguish, understanding that, finally, nothing remains static, everything changes and transforms.

She admits that it took her almost a decade to forget what she felt for that man and today she has enough strength to release her story. “Sex is not everything. And unfortunately, there are no schools or universities that tell you what life is like, how to fall in love or how to forget a love that no longer loves you or hurts you. Today I only know that the love that is sincerely felt, when it ends, does not return. I understood that one could do anything for the loved one, except love him again, "he says.

Over time, they exchanged a few emails. She knew that he lives in Argentina, he got married, but he was unfaithful to his wife. Kitty, for her part, had two absolutely desired children, and she is still here, dodging the ups and downs of the Merida moor with other loves.

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